Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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