woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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