Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Im part way to drunk.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
