So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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