I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
