Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
