it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
