My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
