how can u be prego again
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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