I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
