Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
