How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
