Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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