Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
