Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
