margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
