i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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