uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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