I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
babies were throwing up all over the place
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
