mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
ok first of all what the fuck
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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