Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
