I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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