Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
