My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
