new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
