i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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