Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
