We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
