I CAN MOONWALK!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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