It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
