If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize