I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
