I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
