Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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