He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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