sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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