So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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