i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
