I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
