Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
