Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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