the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
