Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
