I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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