i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife