ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize