Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I can text with my tongue
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
