Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
