She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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