I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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