Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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