He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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