i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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