I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
