its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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