Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
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