Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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