capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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