I want to have your abortion
we made out on top of his cat.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
