Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
babies were throwing up all over the place
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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