this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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