remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
my liver is dry heaving
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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