you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
