I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
