how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize