Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
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A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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