I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize