1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
