Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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